rebeccascott

Spreadsheets and Stars – further thoughts on reality and hope

Coaches often are all too familiar with the trials and tribulations of life as a solopreneur. Stepping into the part time work was scary enough when I was on retainer. Stepping into the “eat what I kill” space was terrifying. (Not just because I am still traumatized by Travis Wright bringing a deer leg to show and tell in pre-school!) For my first couple of years of unpredictable income I barely had time to consider what was happening. Money kept coming in through some combination of good work, good networking, and luck, and I managed to earn more than I had in the retainer days. Woo hoo!

I recently entered year three of inconsistent deposits, and I am learning that hope::reality doesn’t just apply to my life with chronic illness. It’s a useful lens to help me think about my approach to securing work and earning money. 

Each year I track my business income and expenses through a document cleverly named “[year] tax”. It is easily my most accessed document, and I look at it approximately ten times a week to remind myself when I can expect my next payment and how well I have to budget what is already in my bank account. This spreadsheet screams REALITY with its neat columns indicating when, how much, and from where my money has/will come.

Reality is:
I need to make X more dollars to equal last year’s income.
I need to make Y dollars total to keep my retirement contributions steady.
I don’t have a fancy advanced degree or a decade of experience, which can limit my options.

There are many other aspects to my reality–from the comfort of a gainfully employed spouse to a very real need for free time to rest and rebuild my body–but when I am leaning hard on this pole I tend to only see dollar signs and closed doors.

When I even consider the word hope, dollar signs become irrelevant. I don’t dream in numbers. I hope I will have more meaningful work in the second half of the year. I really hope to find more clients with chronic illness. I hope the Mindful Self-Compassion course I co-lead has its largest enrollment yet, so more people tame their inner critics. I hope I finally do a Complexity Tools for Folks with MS webinar series. Hope holds my purpose and ambition. And, if I’m really honest, Hope may have some thoughts about my earning potential.

When I focus on reality I don’t dream about the types of work I might do so much as what they will get me. When I focus on hope, I am heart-centered, purpose-full, and dreamy… but things rarely progress beyond the “ooh, wouldn’t that be nice!” stage.

Does anyone else hear a third way coming around the bend–and does it sound oddly like Casey Kasem, late beloved host of the music countdown show American Top 40? From the age of 10 to 14, I listened to Kasem sign off each week with “Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars,” and those instructions come echoing back to me as I consider how to thrive in the paradox of hope::reality. 

Keeping my feet on the ground means the 2024 taxes spreadsheet still has a place in my life, just not a daily place. It means knowing what is likely possible today and taking steps to ensure that work keeps coming to me. 

Reaching for the stars means not always limiting myself to what feels likely possible and making space to dream, calling on those grounded feet to take the steps (yes, this is a mixed metaphor, just go with it) necessary to make those dreams happen. Even the financial ones!

As I finish this particular chapter of my polarity musings, I feel better equipped to make good use of the quiet days ahead. Some bookkeeping. Some dreaming. And some dancing. Pole optional. 

***
Postscript

Hope and reality collided for me recently when a colleague needed a partner for a last-minute east coast gig, coincidentally on polarities. 

Reality had thoughts on this:
He has so many other options!
That client doesn’t want your inexperienced ass!
Also, summer travel is so hard on you.

So did Hope:
Girl, YOU KNOW POLARITIES. 
You could bring sparkle to this group.
And if you plan ahead, you can manage heat.

I reached out. The colleague was excited. I was REALLY excited. Then I spent some time in hot weather and realized Reality’s point about heat was very sound. My sparkle and I are staying home.

A brunette white woman wearing large sunglasses smiles while looking out of a train window
Dreaming of good, lucrative work to come.

rebeccascott

Good Job: in which I celebrate some small things

Image by Freepik

Recently I was talking to a client about her interest in learning design software, as well as her feeling that she isn’t doing enough to accomplish everything she wants in life. So I suggested perhaps her first design task should be creating a little 2-D trophy for herself that says “You did it!“ I don’t know whether she’ll follow up on the idea, but it got me thinking about how all of us could better recognize little things we do each day to improve our situation, to get a little healthier, or to make someone else’s life a little better.

Remember when you were a kid, and teachers would put stickers on your work? Even the clumsiest scrawl or the most awkward sentence could warrant a “Good job!“ at the top of the page. And we never questioned it! We were secure in the knowledge that this honor was earned. As adults, it seems we lose this ability to appreciate even the smallest achievements, and I think that’s a pity. We receieve compliments from others with a “Thanks but… “ and recognizing ourselves often doesn’t even occur to us. 

I’ve written before about celebrating all of the victories I have, especially the small ones. Life with MS means lots of frustrations, so each time I complete a meal without sullying my placemat or manage ten minutes of exercise, it is cause for celebration. I know this, yet I still get caught in a should spiral. I should be exercising more. I should have started exercising a decade ago. I should be able to motivate myself without a trainer. All of these shoulds can drown out the dids so easily, making me lose sight of all that I’ve accomplished.

Today I celebrate writing this after a long period of not writing. My successful mascara application. Tackling some to-dos before my morning workshop. Three whole things! Before 10am. What do you celebrate?

P.S. I’m currently the top fundraiser for DC’s Walk MS! (Good job, me!)) If you’re reading this you are already doing plenty to support me, and, if able to donate on top of that, please do.